1. SHOCK & DENIAL:
"I can't believe I'm starting my second semester in grad school. I'll have anatomy & neuro classes(science in general = not my best subject), I'll have research, I'll have fieldwork. Not to mention baby showers, baby births, Spring running (AKA loving the outside after being cooped up all winter). This can't be happening."
2. PAIN & GUILT:
"Oh my gosh, I am going to miss so much. It's my first year of marriage, and I'm studying so much. I feel like I'm missing out on life. I feel guilty because I have to study all the time and leave (poor) Ceej to watching football and spending lots of time playing hockey, playing poker, and spending time with his friends. What kind of wife am I? I can't even spend time with my own friends or family. I suck at life and am missing out on everything."
3. ANGER & BARGAINING:
"This is not fair. Everyone else is making money, enjoying free time, able to relax. THEY don't have to think about studying all time. Maybe if I study hard all day I won't have to worry about studying tonight. I hate that I have to be in grad school when everyone else is traveling or having fun."
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS:
"Because I'm in school, Ceej and I can't have our ideal first year of marriage. We can't play games all day on a Sunday, or lay in bed on a rainy day. On some weekend nights, he's going out with all of our friends and I have to stay home and study. No one understands what it's like having to balance this workload and be so isolated."
5. THE UPWARD TURN:
"Well, I did choose this path. Although we don't right now, we will have money someday. I do ENJOY what I'm learning and completely believe in it. I do see this as a perfect fit for me. And, after all, the more learning I do, the better therapist I will be. It has gone by pretty quickly so far."
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH:
"Looking at the entire semester/s is really overwhelming. I'm going to look at TODAY and ask myself what I need to do to be successful on this one day. Setting DAILY goals really helps me feel accomplished rather than stressed out and overwhelmed by what is to come. Also, Ceej and I really like being home together all day. It's nice to see one another whenever we want and take random breaks to play games or talk."
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE:
"Okay. I'm going to like my job. I'm going to be successful. I'm working toward a positive goal that is in the near future. Next Christmas I will be walking at graduation. Next summer I will be practicing. This is going to fly by. I really like having both Ceej and I home during the day. It's fun. Not everyone experiences that, and it's probably one of the only times in our young lives that we will. I enjoy learning and the "college experience"... although my home isn't exactly Madison, it's a new experience. I also enjoy challenging things that make me grow as a person. I can do it!"
What a corny way to start the day! But, when I'm feeling optimistic about this ordeal, I need to write it down because there are moments when I feel a wee bit less so. This post is mainly for myself to read whenever I'm feeling especially Debbie-Downer-ish.
Princeton October 2016
8 months ago