Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Graduate School Barbie (TM)


A new gift idea for your loved ones: Graduate School Barbie (TM).

Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms: Delusional Master's Barbie (TM) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (TM).

Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours: Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first). She also has adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes.

Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5 year old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching "I hate my life" T-shirt. Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, "Yes, Professor, It'll be done by tomorrow", "I'd love to rewrite" and "Why didn't I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor's. But noooooo, I chose to further my education, I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I'd have an excuse to stop working on my degree that's sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul..." (9V lithium batteries sold separately)

Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education. Removable panels on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing. Deluxe Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add a little water, and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals. Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:

Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (TM) Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!),and a small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (tm).

Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet comes in Fabulous (pepto-bismal) pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).

Grad School Barbie's Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (in pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation with (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price. Tech support sold separately).

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you'll get two of Barbie's great friends! GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN, Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest for knowledge, higher education and decreased self esteem.

Grad Advisor Ken (tm) comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as "I need an update on your progress," "I don't think you're ready to defend yet", and "This is no where near ready for publication."

Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie's Thesis Committee! (Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)

REAL JOB SKIPPER, When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper (tm), who got a job after getting her bachelor degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, "Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree" and "Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!" Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe and Savings account sold separately.

WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.

Okay, okay... this is both slightly dramatic and severely pessimistic, I know. We can't always be a ray of sunshine! Let me vent, people!

Note from 12/7/11: As I wrote in my comments from last February, I didn't make this up myself. I was procrastinating one day and Googled "grad school jokes" to humor myself. Life's simple pleasures. I loved that one so much that I had to share :). Thanks for the compliment of thinking I was capable of that, though. The Barbie is actually a 50th Anniversary edition of her, because all 50 year olds are very wrinkly and have gray hair (haha).I just searched "ugly Barbie," and that's what came up! I never meant to claim that I wrote this. I have attempted to find the original source but cannot as it is wide spread across the internet by hundreds of people who have not sourced it. I am sorry to the original author! I am only including this disclaimer because of some Negative Nancy's out there. I posted this for my friends and fellow graduate slaves, not you, Nancy. If you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say it. That's learned in Kindergarten and not grad school, though. Thank you to everyone else with the fun comments! I have just finished grad school officially and am about to enter the working world!! There is an end in sight, I promise!! Until then, good luck to you!

146 comments:

Heidi Kline said...

OMG.. that is the FUNNIEST thing I read in a long time, you just made my day Em you are so funny! I like how to posted in 2 or 3rd person!

Chelsea said...

Did you come up with all of that??? Holy moly girl you are a riot. And creative. And where did you find that picture???

Ceej and Em said...

Oh, Chel... you of great faith. No, I didn't make it up myself... I was procrastinating one day and Googled "grad school jokes" to humor myself. Life's simple pleasures. I loved that one so much that I had to share :). Thanks for the compliment of thinking I was capable of that, though. The Barbie is actually a 50th Anniversary edition of her, because all 50 year olds are very wrinkly and have gray hair (haha).I just searched "ugly Barbie," and that's what came up! My secrets are revealed.

Donnell said...

Love it! Next we'll have assembled toy juries to get grad school Barbie off a murder rap ;)

Eva said...

This is hilarious! I had friends share it on their facebook pages so I had to check it out. :)

Anonymous said...

Trust me - if you ever decide to go for your doctorate, you will look back on your master's level education years and marvel at how easy they felt, compared to the increased demand and intensity required at the doctoral level. In that case, gray-haired Barbie will be thinning-haired Barbie and will devise ways to use student loan checks for wrinkle fillers and other dermatological advances to undo the damage that grad school has wreaked by marching across her face.

Thatgirl said...

So funny! I was wallowing in misery about my upcoming week of insane exams but suddenly I'm cheered up by the lack of thesis in my program.

Christiana said...

I love it! So true and funny.

Oregonianinhumboldt said...

Dear, God!!! I laughed so hard I started crying!!! This is the funniest thing I have ever read...EVER...and SO TRUE!!! From one Grad School Barbie to another...THANK YOU, for the laughs, as I venture into another sleepless paper-writing night!!! ;D

Anonymous said...

This truly is brilliant.... BTW - even bachelor degree'd people can't find a job now... so you will have more unemployed bachelor degree friends to talk to. :-)

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon this and LOVED reading it. Thanks!

lisam1010@yahoo.com

Fiona said...

This is going around on Facebook now (congrats!), so if you didn't write this stuff, you might want to acknowledge the original author. But I'm sure grad school Barbie knows all about citing sources!

shelloftheday said...

this is fantastic and it's turning kind of viral on facebook - all my friends in gradschool are fwding this to each other. well done! and good to know we're not alone in feeling like this.

Jantastic said...

Fantastic!

Anonymous said...

I love this. I had to share it with my friends who are going to grad school in less than a year.

Ceej and Em said...

Wow - this is becoming quite popular! I did not write it, see above post for how I found it. I've tried searching for an original author to cite, but the joke is pretty common on the web, so I'm not sure who is the mastermind behind this!

C.Thorn said...

Congrats on going viral!

Anonymous said...

But what about the version that is working AND doing grad school?

Anonymous said...

I'm ABD and this is actually my life.

Joyce said...

I just read this to my OT second year problem based learning small group class. HILARIOUS! People not in OT school just do not know how much work this is...the volume is incredible, week after week. College was a cinch!! Hope you're well on your way to graduation!

iscribbler said...

I haven't laughed out loud at a post in ages! Love it. Thanks for sharing! :)

britt said...

My best friend just sent me this link (maybe it's the bags under my eyes?) It totally cheered me up.

ps. I'm working on finals while she sits at a desk for her real job. :)

Unknown said...

It gets better, i promise!!! I finished my doctorate of physical therapy about two and half years ago, and people who haven't gone through it just don't understand. BUT there is an end in sight- i work with a bunch of OTs who all made it through- see the light at the end of the tunnel! this is hilarious, thanks for posting :)

burntoutgradstudent said...

GOD I LOVE THIS. I need this to be real. I WANT ONE!! Except mine w/have thinning hair. And crooked glasses b/c I am too po to buy new ones.

ABD & hating it but LOVING this post!

lookingforpemberley said...

Wow- This is both hilarious and sad! I'm still recovering from my masters in Literature, and definitely had the fully stocked medicine cabinet. I loved reading your creative vent. Thanks for sharing!

jasembera said...

i don't know who you are but this is hilarious. highly recommended that you copyright this!

Lindsay said...

I've been on both sides... Grad student followed by working desk-job woman... And they both suck! The only perk to working is the paycheck and the baked goods people bring to work. That's it! Oh life, isn't it funny?? This Barbie made me laugh hysterically. Thanks for sharing!

DJ said...

I just happened to run across this blog and omg! you couldn't have done this any better. LMAO! It's the funniest thing I've ever read and anyone in graduate school, and hell even at an undergraduate level, can truly appreciate "Graduate School Barbie". Thanks for making my day with this LOL!!

thebluemuse said...

Heavens, I just stumbled upon this as a third year PhD Masochist Barbie. Hysterical post. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this! Perhaps this just motivated me to finish my thesis!:)

Windsor Grace said...

This is exactly what graduate school feels like. I've never been this suicidal in my life and I always think, "I'm choosing to do this to myself"

Anonymous said...

hey.......guys......you forget, the objective of extending your educational experience is to avoid the real world as long as possible....to revel in the joys of collegelife........real life is tougher than college......God, i wish i had the stress of three courses instead of the next day, tomorrow, normal stuff of a job i have done for 30 years.................

Anonymous said...

So true, so true...I've been done with my Ph.D. for nearly 10 years, but I still remember when a professor in my department--at the end of my first year told me not to take prelims early or I'd fail and I ran into the hallway and cried hysterically for 20 minutes...just couldn't take it after a horrible and stressful year... and to the previous post...grad school IS real life...except with more pressure! We all had the same problems and "reality" as everybody else...we have bills, jobs(usually multiple part-time, low paid ones) and responsibilities. The myth that attending grad school is somehow escaping or avoiding the "real world" is completely ridiculous.

Samantha Burton said...

LOVE THIS. I am in grad school at BYU at definitely found humor in this. Thanks for sharing!

Leslie said...

Hilarious and a bit too close to the truth! I am a grad student in Hamilton, ON (Canada). I found this on my friends FB page and laughed my head off, and promptly shared it. Thanks - gave me great comfort in knowing that I'm not alone :) haha...

Anonymous said...

"the objective of extending your educational experience is to avoid the real world as long as possible"
Um....no. No it is not. Graduate school is not something you do for fun. Usually you do it because you HAVE to in order to pursue your chosen career.

"real life is tougher than college......God, i wish i had the stress of three courses instead of the next day, tomorrow, normal stuff of a job i have done for 30 years"
I'm just guessing . . . but I don't think you have been to graduate school. I am taking 15 credits, which comes with at LEAST 30 hours of research, reading, and writing per week, plus I have 3 (8-10 hour) days of in the field practicum, 10 hours plus of commuting in my car each week- and somehow have to find time to run a household and keep my marriage from falling apart due to the fact that graduate school is sucking me dry. Oh did I mention that I occasionally like to sleep.
My days in the corporate world were SO much simpler.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Story of my life!!! Tooo funny! Thanks for the laugh!

DeeDeeStewart said...

Em,
I have a one-woman show that I've been touring called DIRTY BARBIE AND OTHER GIRLHOOD TALES. People have been discovering your blog post and sending it to me. As a former grad school girl with a similar stomach lining and propensity to tears and parodying Barbie, I thank you.

Lou said...

hahhahahahaha. This made me feel like I'm not the only one getting my life sucked away! Woooo! haha. I have lost my sanity at this point. Hang in there!!!

Elena Wayne said...

As a 44 year old "graduate" student I wanted you to know you nailed it!!! Thank you so much!

LisaP said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time (so funny, because it is so true!)....I am an almost 50 year old grad student, pursuing a Master's in Public Health, and a Master's in Nursing (as a nurse midwife)...The wardrobe, the gray hair, the bags...all accurate! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it (end of term at both schools!).

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Deb said...

I just love this! If only some of it didn't ring so true....

Anonymous said...

Yes I am that Barbie right now

Anonymous said...

I am 55. I am a grad student. I have no wrinkles and blonde hair. This essay is hilarious.

Diane Duff said...

Yes, yes, yes! This is me - once young (feeling) and idealistic. Now old (looking) and disillusioned. As a 54 year-old grad student, it's nice to know I am not alone."Why don't we just quit?" is my question.

Lorraine Thomas said...

This is funny but it is so true. www.phdcomics.com has always been my source of laughing at myself and the things we all sacrafice for the credibility of being a scholar. If my spelling is off, my apologies for having limited sleep within the past 3 days of finals

The Medievalist said...

Hilarious--for lots of reasons. Thanks for sharing and good luck on that Phd. I finished in '93 and have been recovering ever since.

Anonymous said...

I think you should add: "Buy 50 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie's undergrad students!" You may also want to start thinking about the Tenure-track Prof Barbie Edition.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the humor, really needed that on the graduate school road!!!

brook said...

ohmygoodness amazing
just finished my first semester, cheers to thesis defending soon!

annalaura said...

Wow this is hilarious. and most of it's all true.

Anonymous said...

This is funny... but Grad School Barbie might want to consider that she chose to go to grad school. It was a voluntary act, wasn't it? GSB is also free to leave her program and compete for one of those "real" jobs she romanticises about. It is, I repeat, funny and true to experience, so don't think I'm a crank.

Culinary Chemist said...

This is amazing and it is exactly how I feel right now. Thank you so much for posting this! The 10 minutes of out loud laughing made my day so much better!

Anonymous said...

I am 29, in grad school, a mother of twins....I COULD NOT AGREE MORE!! THAT IS HIL-FRICKEN-LARIOUS!!! THANKS FOR A GREAT LAUGH----IT'S SO TRUE!!

David B said...

Saw this on Facebook, shared it—you’re viral now, i suppose.

But yeah, this is all so precisely real that it hurt (while i laughed) even ten years after i finished the PhD. Grad school really is one of those things that you have to experience to understand, which, as is usually the case, means that all y’all out there who don’t get the joke probably shouldn’t want to understand it.

WV: amberi: Either (a) the name of Grad School Barbie’s bubbly, vacuous friend who married an investment banker and complains all day about how hard it is to find good help these days, while telling GSB she’s jealous of how carefree GSB’s life must be, or (b) the name of the generic form of Ambien that GSB is considering adding to her medicine chest, if she can only afford the co-pay.

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JakeyJake said...

Omg I am uncontrollably laughing! This made my day thanks so much for posting..Au.D

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Anonymous said...

This is hilarious and all too true! Finally got my oral exam scheduled for my PhD comps next week and am pulling my hair out studying. This is just what I needed for a laugh! Thanks!

-Karin

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing! It made my day!Negative Nancy obviously doesn't understand the need for much needed humor as a graduate student! Shame on you Negative Nancy.

Miss Nicole said...

Oh, man, is that hilarious! And slightly depressing because it's so true. Thank you for this! It is too perfect in every single way. Except that my own customized Grad School Barbie would be making her life change in her 30s, leaving her $45,000/yr job only to go into massive debt (She has negative money now!). Why didn't I just keep working?? Alas. It'll all be worth it in the end, right? ;)

Mike said...

$40,000 a year with a Bachelor's degree? You weren't a Humanities person, clearly.

Vanessa at Rescued Goods said...

hilarious! a friend just shared & I love it!

dori jenkins said...

don't know if this is correct or not but i found what i think is the original:
Copyright © 2000 - 2011 Michael J. Miller, Ph.D.

Anonymous said...

Love this and sent it to EVERYONE! Thank you for the much-needed laugh!

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you! I have a paper due in a few hours and needed the laugh...otherwise I'd be tempted to play in traffic. You (or the original author) forgot that Grad School Barbie also comes with a magically shrinking and expanding waistline thanks to hours sitting in a chair reading/writing and the tendency for forgetting to eat.

Anonymous said...

This is awesome :) Apparently Barbie was a smoker...check out those wrinkles around her lips!

DixiePam said...

As a PhD masochist... this is AWESOME!!!! I just had a blast reading it to the other grad students I share an office with. We all died laughing!!!!!

Mel~ @ Lifestwistedstitches.com said...

As a 38 yr. old single Mama and graduate student, I can sssooooooo relate! This had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt. :)

chele said...

This is great! I can certainly relate to this!

Could this really be from 1999? Funny, but Lenore Martin is still at University of Rhode Island!!

Here is the link:
http://listserv.uri.edu/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind9912b&L=wsse-cur&P=53

My Dearest.... said...

Oh my...this actually suits me at the moment...yet I'm an undergrad and my god damn adviser says those exact phrases just after he changes all my work! >_> oh well..

BrightEyes said...

OMG.

I am an 11th year PhD student who is finally finishing this month, I am no longer graduate school Barbie. But I just had to email my 12th year PhD peer as she continues on her quest

Gentian said...

When I am working full-time (plus) I long for the "freedom" of being back in school instead of punching the time clock and putting up with the stupid corporate politics; when I am in grad school (two masters so far & now working on the Phud), I long for the "freedom" of a steady paycheck and not having to spend my evenings and weekends reading or researching and writing, not to mention putting up with the stupid academic politics. TANSTAAFL!

aswift said...

This was wonderful! I had to send to my other grad school colleagues who I'm in the trenches with! I LOVE it.

Anonymous said...

While thoroughly entertaining, a 'tenure-track' Barbie is needed. Frankly, I'd give anything to go BACK to graduate school after being on the tenure track for awhile. What little of my stomach lining was still in place when I took the job is definitely gone.

Anonymous said...

To all my fellow Grad School Barbies: I know you are working full time, although it is HIGHLY not recommended, and you have an internship that requires 20 hours per week, and in order to attend class you work horribly long days and write papers all night, and you are raising children and attempting to keep some sort of overt attachment with family and friends, I understand and so does this post. I'm on a seven month count down. And can no longer afford the gas to get to class! By the way, I highly recommend fish oil and vitamin B and D. And wine. And to all the negative Nancy's, you will need us someday and we will be able to help you.

Anonymous said...

Sooooooo funny! and yet so accurate :D well said!

Anonymous said...

Don't forget "supportive husband ken", who comes with a permanent frown as he looks at sallie Mae bills.

Anonymous said...

^^ITA with the above. You also need Post-Doc Barbie!

MadelineL.Moore said...

And I love it. I just finished dinner with a friend where we discussed how much we hated our lives. Thanks for the laugh!

Heather said...

OMG! I can totally relate. This is the story of my life right now!!! I'm reposting this on my blog!

Anonymous said...

Funny. I looked at my food stash...and yup! There's the popcorn, cola, coldcuts, & rum.

Ohh grad school. :)

Anonymous said...

Your last comment, "the end is in site" should read "the end is in sight", I.e. in view . All those years of schooling and there are still errors!

Anonymous said...

1st World Problem if you ask me

People who are fortunate enough to go to/get into grad school should stop whining, work hard, and be happy they are going to be making (typically) six figures.

Anonymous said...

I NEEDED this laugh! I'm working three part time RN jobs which equal more than one FT, attending full time school for family nurse practitioner + clinicals, raising a family, caring for parents, etc... I can't believe Barbie is going through the same thing! From one grad school Barbie to all of the rest of you - We can do this!

Mae Woods said...

Just shared this with my Master's program Co-hort. 30 people were able to take a deep breath and have a great laugh during finals! Thanks so much! Great find!

David B said...

@Anonymous, 12/7 9:22p:

Grad school naturally leading to a 6-figure salary? Thanks for the giggle.

Anonymous said...

This newly minted PhD is laughing her head off and is sad that she resembles the picture too much (to my credit, I just turned 49)

To anonymous who said: "People who are fortunate enough to go to/get into grad school should stop whining, work hard, and be happy they are going to be making (typically) six figures."

Tenure track positions for PhDs in my discipline (if you can get one) start at around $34,000 a year. Not everyone is an engineer, Mr. Sour Grapes.

To anonymous who said "I think you should add: "Buy 50 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie's undergrad students!"

That would have to be 50 BRATZ dolls ;-D

Lisa said...

I can tell you that the Postdoc Barbie comes with no make-up.

Anonymous said...

This made my day, maybe even year.. heck, maybe even last 4 years! Closest thing I've seen to explaining the unexplainable experience that is grad school... And to all the grad school beauties out there temporarily being sucked dry - You go girls! I still have hope we can puff up after! Thanks so much "Ceej and Em" (mostly of th Em factor I assume...) for sharing. ESPECIALLY that you have survived and escaped! All the best in your new endeavors!! You've spread a lot of joy. Many thanks.

Marilyn said...

Just sent it to my daughter who sent her thesis for review and is defending on Monday and to a friend who just received her doctorate with a side case of PTSD. LOVE this. Thank you. The best thing for me was realizing my daughter is totally normal - Just like Barbie!

Angela said...

Love, love, love--except, of course, for Real Job Skipper...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs . . . and the memories. This cuts very close to home on multiple levels. I returned to graduate school in my late 30s and just retired after an academic career that includes critiques of the race and gender "problematics" (grad school term) of Barbie dolls. Grad school's tough, but when the bags under your eyes aren't just from all-nighters and the silver hairs on your head aren't just highlights, you may look back on grad school as the time of your life. So hang on and kick Barbie to the curb.

AdC

SnoWhite said...

As a PhD grad myself... I thoroughly enjoyed this :)

Priti said...

This hilarious post was entirely too timely for me. Went to sleep at 7am this morning to finish up an assignment! Thanks for the laugh.

starfishncoffee said...

@Anonymous December 7, 2011 9:22 PM

Making six figures with a PhD in the humanities or social sciences? REALLY?!
In what alternative universe do you live?!
Do you even know anyone in Academia?

Also venting is not whining. Many of us do what we do out of love of knowledge, students and community.

Intellectual work IS work and can take its toll.

Elizabeth said...
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Elizabeth said...

I love the comment above about undergrads being BRATZ dolls. I wouldn't mind being a graduate student if it weren't for the bratty, point-grubbing undergraduates who slither into office hours to argue back every last point on a paper or exam.

Villy K said...

Had some real fun reading it ! And really true I would say... I love the image too :)

Sarah S. said...

Tear ducts comment is HYSTERICAL (and so true)!! Thanks so much for sharing. Rock on with your degree. All the best to you and yours,
From an ABD Phd (in Education) female grad student. =)

Allison said...

It makes me want to laugh and weep at the same time!

Anonymous said...

My day was spent crying over my thesis and finals and a million other things due next week. Good to know grad school barbie is also miserable today!

Christinfort@fuller.edu said...

This is awesome! It was forwarded to and - even thought it's the night before finals are due - I read it. Thanks for the needed comic relief! One day (3.5 years from now) Grad School will indeed be over (unless of course I go for a second doctorate...)

Anonymous said...

This is becoming viral in my dept's doctoral program. I laughed so hard I cried. And then I just cried for no particular reason. Haha, thanks for a little stress relief during finals season!

Anonymous said...

sounds like a lot of work for nothing..

Erin McQ :) said...

I know its been a while since you posted this...but it just got sent to me today from a fellow graduate student. I think we both enjoyed it immensely! Just in time for finals.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting this! It's been a long day of rewrites and I definately needed the laugh!

Clinical Psychology

Anonymous said...

ohh, I haven't laughed so loud in a long time, thanks, this is soooo real. :)

Kim said...

I'm in an OT grad program now and this is so true! Even my professors say that grad school was the hardest/busiest time of their lives, so it makes me feel a little better that it gets easier. Also, congrats on your recent graduation! You are free!!

Jane Kaswick said...

Some of us masochist Barbie's are actually working to make life easier for the rest of the world. And you sure as hell don't make a six-figure salary doing that. Apparently those of us who experienced the tortures of grad school (while working with dying people in the Global South trying to make a difference) aren't entitled to rant once in a while, but you can bitch about us? But me.

Jane Kaswick said...

Oh yeah, and as for the whole grad school being "fun" thing, I taught full-time during my master's and PhD, held down two other jobs, worked for the non-profit organization of dying people my work was benefiting, AND did my research and published. SUPERFUN!! I totally just did that grad school thing for 'kicks', I'm one lucky bastard with all that great debt I've heaped on too!

Jane Kaswick said...

And dang, my first comment should read "bite me," not "but me." I'm frickin' tired.

Amy and Lincoln in Japan said...

Thank you SO much for posting this! Before I read this, I was writing in a cafe (on yet ANOTHER Saturday night), and was considering throwing my coffee at the next smiling person who passed my table. Getting 3-4 hours of sleep a night makes one think about disturbing things . . . and as PhD student in Clinical Psychology, this is all the more concerning :)

Andres said...

Somewhat entertaining..for about the first paragraph, then the joke just goes on and on without anything new.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. I just started grad school and was feeling like I was the only one who felt like punching my husband if he asked me if I was ok one more time. ;) After reading some of the comments...I feel as if I am not alone.

Claire said...

This is beyond accurate, and too true of graduate education. Fantastic for men and women in grad school!

LilyFrog said...

I love it! I'd love to add another body part to the removable panel: the dried up ovaries that she forgot about when she was completing her masters and now will have to hope to God that they still may still have an ounce of usable life-producing ability in them before the cease to function anymore.

Anonymous said...

Wow. How about a Grad School Ken? Comes with 3 days of facial hair growth, receding hairline, pot belly, holes in tennis shoes, backpack hunch, fridge stocked with beer, pretzels, cheese w/ mold, and empty Chinese food containers. But maybe he needs to be Ken's buddy, Grad School Joe. Ken would never have the pot belly. And the things that come out of his mouth are not appropriate for publication. Needed this laugh!

Anonymous said...

This is soo true. It's been 8 years in grad school (2 years masters+6 years phd) and I went through all of these stages!

Marie C. said...

That is hilarious! My sister found your post and shared it with me because she knew I could relate -- I just finished my doctorate this spring and have a few friends (surprising, I know, with the craziness of grad school) who are finishing theirs, so this was quite timely. Thanks for the laugh! And congratulations on finishing your grad degree!

MarfaBee said...

I wrote a "Schutzhund Barbie" post on an email group about 10 years ago. This sounds like a version of what I originally wrote: http://www.lodestargraphics.com/shepherds/jokes.htm

It's fun to see the evolution!

Anonymous said...

grad school barbie is missing a stack of 8-10 page poorly written essays to grade for tomorrow! (can you tell I've been grading all day??)

Unknown said...

The scary thing is that was me ten years ago when I had th brilliant idea of getting my MBA at the ripe age of 32! Thanks for this - it's so great....

Anonymous said...

I need a super masochistic Barbie - one that gets her JD, leaves her $65K+ per year job, and then goes back for a PhD!

Maulleigh said...

How did you capture my first semester of grad school so perfectly? Never have I been more stressed out. Never.

kateish said...

No adderall in the medicine cabinet? ;)

Anonymous said...

I defend my thesis a week from now... I hope I can make it! Unfortunately every waking moment I feel either panic, nauseous, or suicidal.

Anonymous said...

I got an MBA while working full time with a kid in high school. (and an MBA has 57-60 credits while a "regular" masters is usually only 30). Anyone who feels stress about ONLY having to go to grad school is a whiner and a slacker.

cath said...

Laughed my head off. This is now making the rounds on Pinterest. Humor you can relate is always the best kind. :D

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Thank you and Thank you! Loved it! I am writing my thesis and this was great to read.

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Anonymous said...

i am post-doc and still can relate to this unfortunately! and i know my little sister working towards her masters definitely can... hilarious :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with an earlier comment that your masters degree will feel like a breeze if you continue your education....I wonder what law school Barbie or bar exam Barbie looks like. Lol

Anonymous said...

How about the extra 50 lbs. Barbie gained eating late-night snacks to stay awake, hmmm?

Kayla Kunz said...

I love everything about this and can totally relate to grad school barbie! :) Too funny! Thank you so much for the hilarious and creative post!

miranda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tina said...

Grad school is indentured servitude. I will never understand why i paid $45,000 to take 15 "internship credits" where I didn't get paid, and spent 20 hrs/week for 2 semesters working for other people. Who ever heard of paying to work? That's worse than welfare. And if I had an opinion about what I was doing, it was seen poorly by the professors. Even more shocking, those poor people who pay to get Social Work masters (among others), make very little once they graduate. Unless it is a preprofessional program or you plan on being a professor, grad school scams students and is highly over rated.

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Anonymous said...

Loved this, graduated with Master Degree at 50 and somehow resembled Graduate School Barbie (TM)". Went on to get additional license which made Negative Nancy furious since I shared a cubicle with her, ouch! and her second degree came with a "me too demand!" without doing any course work. What school would do that? So jealousy prevailed and bullying continued. May I suggest it had been a life long pattern? Loved Barbie!

Anonymous said...

Go ahead and just put the Doctoral Barbie in the ER having some sort of attack-mine was gallbladder. The stress killed every part of my body and I have not recovered yet bad it has been 2 years!!

Anonymous said...

I am in my 3rd year of a 3 year graduate program. My committee chair showed me this link. HILARIOUS! I've reread it several times this week just to remind myself WE ARE NOT ALONE! haha excellent! encouraging one graduate student at a time...

Anonymous said...

I am in my 3rd year of a 3 year graduate program. My committee chair showed me this link. HILARIOUS! I've reread it several times this week just to remind myself WE ARE NOT ALONE! haha excellent! encouraging one graduate student at a time...

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Anonymous said...

Single mother of four here, in my 40's, in my first semester of a 60 credit masters. Very stressful, as I am never adequate in caring for my children's many and diverse needs, as a finance', as a daughter of aging parents, as a friend or as a student.
However, I have to say it's nothing compared to my days as "just a mom" of 4 kids, dealing with an extremely complex and stressful set of special needs in one, homeschooling, and doing a little paid work here and there. Non-stop, 18+-hour days, my life subsumed for everyone else. And, in that role, I was devalued and talked down to as an idiot. So, it's nice to at least be recognized as having a brain, and working hard, at least as a student! That little "4 kids" thing still doesn't seem to register with people as anything much somehow! "Four kids" seems to register in people's understanding as something like, "sweet little hobby I can participate in when I feel like it," or, "I have pets." Sigh. Clueless. May need to just start saying I also work full-time (for no pay) on top of school?